All the smart/ cowardly politicians bailed on the NYC mayor's race when Mike Bloomberg strongarmed himself back onto the ballot. But there is still a handful of comical challengers to our Mayor-for-life! Below, a guide to the losers.
Michael Bloomberg: The guy who will win.
Bill Thompson: The guy who will win the Democratic nomination, then lose.
Robert Burck, The Naked Cowboy: Now we're talking! A real live fakey fake candidate! He stands out in Times Square impressing tourists for sure! He is a neat freak who lives in Secaucus! For these and other reasons people who actually live in New York City despise him as a symbol of the city's Disneyfication and he will surely do terribly, even by joke vanity candidate standards.
Reverend Billy Talen: Reverend Billy! You have surely seen him leading a choir of anti-consumerists in Union Square or taking over your local Starbucks, with preaching. He is now running on the ticket of the Green Party, which, in some counties out West, is considered a borderline real political party! He will garner the meager urban hippie vote.
Frances Villar: Candidate from the Party for Socialism and Liberation. "The Billionaires are not our friends!" she exhorts. Correct. Not your friend, especially, as it is a billionaire who will handily defeat you in the mayoral election. She will finish in the top 4 in the lesbian vote.