Billionaire teen-girl-massage aficionado Jeffrey Epstein is soon to be a free man! As dawn breaks on Wednesday, the gates of the Palm Beach County correctional facility shall fling ajar and Epstein, lust-crazed from 12 months confinement, will flee.

Epstein became a billionaire money manager thanks in large part to a single client, and went on to become "very friendly" with fellow billionaire Ron Burkle and Burkle pal Bill Clinton. But—in addition to allegations that he manipulated a young transgendered girl into sexual favors with promises of a "modeling career"—he had a fondness for hiring underage teen girls for erotic massages. He was sentenced to 18 months for hiring underage prostitutes, but he's served 12, and what with his good behavior of not enlisting any more young teens to come massage him, in jail, he's getting out early. Now he gets to go register as a sex offender and give a DNA sample to the state, so they can check and see if he's involved in any future sex crimes.

Sporting an ankle bracelet and always tailed by an off-duty Sheriff's deputy he paid for, Epstein actually was on "work release" since October. He was free from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. weekdays and even on weekends. According to jail records, Epstein was working 16 hours a day for The Florida Science Foundation, his own science-related non-profit created a few months before he was sentenced.

He's paid a harsh price. Legally speaking, he's no promiscuous slut.