Chelsea Clinton is not marrying that "Marc Mezvinsky banker guy," according to Cindy Adams, who learns lots of stuff when she "weekends" in the Hamptons with Palin-obsessed Scientologist power couple John Coale and Greta van Susteren.

Adams was all set to misuse the noun that means "Saturday and Sunday" as a verb in Long Island's north fork with Van Susteren and Coale, but Van Susteren had to jet off at the last minute to interview Hillary Clinton in Mumbai. So as Adams and Coale were eating a lot of food for lunch—"John Coale doesn't dine lightly"—Greta called in with some hot gossip: Contrary to hot-and-heavy rumormongering, Chelsea is not getting hitched next month.

So between the Old Mill Inn's rib-eye and cheesecake...his wife rang to say: "Hillary and I are so exhausted. We're sitting at the Taj in Mumbai ordering Diet Coke and coffee — not mixing it together — just to keep awake." I was wildly thrilled with what Greta's drinking, but what I needed to know was what's Hillary saying. Two text messages and cellphone calls later came: "Hillary says Chelsea is not marrying Marc, no matter what's been reported."

That's news! It was also news when Van Susteren wrote it on her blog two days ago, but nobody reads that.

We still expect Chelsea to get married on Martha's Vineyard next month. Just because you didn't get invited, doesn't mean there's isn't a wedding, Cindy.