The New York Post reports: 500,000 New Yorkers might have Swine Flu, and not even know it. Is this flavored with any kind of fact whatsoever, or is the Post just really bored with Michael Jackson stories?

Okay, so, by the numbers, New York has had 802 Swine Flu hospitalizations and 32 deaths "related to the disease." To their credit, the reporting the Post did was based on an actual CDC survey:

The new data is based on a community survey that found 6.9 percent of New Yorkers experienced a flu-like illness during a three-week period in May when the illness was at its most active. Researchers used a new type of modeling to extrapolate an estimate of how many city residents were likely infected with the new virus but didn't seek treatment.

So maybe we did and/or do! But what's a "flu-like" illness? Right now, when I talk I sound like Harvey Firestein's lost cousin and I have the sniffles. Also, I'm sweaty, but I sweat a lot, anyway. Do I have the flu-like symptoms? I'd also like to know what the questions were on this community survey. Ever since 7th Grade, when someone asks me if I'm sick, I'm like, yeah, definitely, I'm fuckin' dyin' here, but that's because it got me out of school.

Then again, maybe we all do have Swine Flu, and it's just sitting inside of us, incubating, waiting to kill everyone and anyone around at a moment's notice, a la The Stand. Scary, right? Or maybe we all just kissed people with colds. Either way: be vigilant! No more kissing.