"Eloise," the little girl who lived at The Plaza hotel. What kid wouldn't love an Eloise-themed birthday at The Plaza? (Just play along). All kids would, yes. But at what cost? You will be amazed to learn!

The Plaza has just started selling two celebratory Eloise packages—one for wealthy old parents who imagine their kid would like something like this, and one for their poor counterparts.

The Live Like Eloise Slumber Party Package accommodates six guests and includes a suite, a copy of The Eloise Guide to Life, Eloise DVDs, Eloise postcards, Eloise snacks, rollaway beds, and a trophy party for elementary schoolers, or, the hotel hopes, a "girls night" for adult women. It starts at $3,595.

The regular Live Like Eloise Package-no party-starts at $895 per night, and is intended for families. It includes the night in a Deluxe Rose Suite, with the promise of an upgrade; a copy of Eloise; a Super Duper Sundae with whipped cream and sprinkles; and Eloise postcards with complimentary postage.

Here, enjoy your sickeningly expensive postcards of this fictional figure that was popular in earlier generations, kid. Meanwhile the kid is like, just give me a fucking iPhone, you wastrels.
[NYO. Pic via]