The most exciting beef of the weekend has arrived: Mugatu inspiration Karl Lagerfeld and Heidi Klum are having a war of words.

Lagerfeld called out Heidi Klum back in February, piling on the remarks of some German designer, the nonsensically-named Wolfgang Joop (no relation to Agustus Gloop, har), who told German GQ:

"Heidi Klum is no runway model. She is simply too heavy and has too big a bust. And she always grins so stupidly. That is not avant-garde - that is commercial!"

This sounds infinitely better if you scream it at a young child and substitute the r's for v's. Anyway: dick, right? Karl Lagerfeld piped in: "I don't know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn't know who she is."

Ah, yes: once Claudia Schiffer doesn't know who you are, you're finished. Either way, Lagerfeld apparently enjoyed the attention he got for talking smack on Heidi Klum so much, he did it again, according to the Sun. Lagerfeld went after Klum's husband, Seal, this time, noting that he's a monstah. Or something along those lines:

"I am no dermatologist but I wouldn't want his skin. Mine looks better than his. He is covered in craters."

Which is ridiculously mean! Everyone knows Seal has skin problems because of this thing called discoid lupus erythematosus, which you can read more about on Wikipedia. Now, the unfortunate thing about UK tabloid The Sun's reports on Lagerfeld's remarks is that they don't attribute them to any particular event in either instance, which makes me wonder if there's some reporter at The Sun who can just call up an angry German guy to get him to go on the record about hating someone nicer than him. But what have Heidi Klum or Seal ever done to anyone? She's having her fourth kid. He makes nice music for my parents. They both incredibly attractive people.

The Klum/Seal camp has yet to respond, and they probably won't, because their lives are filled with happy things that don't involve sadist German designers. Honestly, this just feels like a cry for attention from Lagerfeld, who would probably welcome the warm, motherly embrace of Klum, husband Seal, and their three Baby Seals (with the fourth to come).

Anyway: BEEF! The first shots have been fired. What say you, Seal?

Karl Lagerfeld, Nasty Boy [Cityfile]