Dick Cheney, the least likable humanoid creature both on the planet and deep below its surface, where he came from, wants to write a book. He would like $2 million for it, thank you. It's worth it, though! His last book was totally awesome!

Back in 1983, Dick and his future-cyborg-lesbian wife Lynne collaborated on a book called Kings of the Hill, about famous congressmen. The book was mostly about how famous congressmen all looked really funny, and some of them were cripples. Jonathan Curiel read it.

"Plumer observed that Clay was especially favored by the ladies. It was not because he was particularly handsome. Except for an unusually large mouth (which he joked was so constructed that he could never learn to spit), he was rather plain featured."
Congressman Samuel Taggart is not just a Federalist but a "corpulent Federalist." Secretary of War Peter Buell Porter is not just a lawyer but "a rotund lawyer." Congressman Sam Rayburn is "a short, bald-headed man (who) . . . didn't look like a person of consequence." Senator John Randolph is "wrinkled and sallow-skinned (and) appeared twice his age." And Congressman Thaddeus Stevens is "a crippled man in a brown wig." Cheney uses the word "cripple" again and again (also "handicapped" and "old") to describe the anti-slavery maverick.

You can buy a copy of book—original printing or its 1996 paperback edition—for one cent! So, extrapolating from that, Dick Cheney will earn back his advance once he sells 200,000,000 copies. Let's hope his book is about teenage vampires fighting the Illuminati!