Like hostages whose will for freedom has been completely sapped, slack-jawed Americans aspire only to befriend vapid, idolized television personalities while downing grease-laden comfort food, a new poll has confirmed:

More Americans would choose to share a vacation rental home with talk show host Kelly Ripa (26%) than would with the Obamas (19%), the Jolie-Pitt family (16%), Oprah Winfrey (16%), Jon Stewart (13%) or Stephen Colbert (10%), according to a new survey conducted by Ipsos Public Affairs on behalf of Home Away.

Yes. Kelly Ripa, #1. We can only hope that this represents some half-formed expression of sexual desire by a disproportionate sampling of straight American males, rather than a true awe for the perky one's societal contributions. Furthermore:

When dining on vacation, Americans are most likely to choose Rachel Ray (32%) to be their celebrity chef, followed closely by Paula Deen (27%). Fewer would like to have Wolfgang Puck (15%), Gordon Ramsay (13%), Masaharu Morimoto (6%) or Tom Colicchio (6%) cook for them.

Jokes are useless.
[Ipsos via Adfreak. Pic via]