Teenagers! They're out there, genuflecting at the altar of the Jonas Brothers and finger-banging in the backs of buses on the way to field trips and doing whatever else teenagers do these days. But did you know that text messaging is completely destroying all hope for their future?

According to a piece in Tuesday's New York Times, text messaging is responsible for a host of modern teenage problems, from anxiety to sleep deprivation to failing grades, but perhaps worst of all—-debilitating hand injuries brought about by excessive texting!

Annie Wagner, 15, a ninth-grade honor student in Bethesda, Md., used to text on her tiny LG phone as fast as she typed on a regular keyboard. A few months ago, she noticed a painful cramping in her thumbs. (Lately, she has been using the iPhone she got for her 15th birthday, and she says texting is slower and less painful.)

Peter W. Johnson, an associate professor of environmental and occupational health sciences at the University of Washington, said it was too early to tell whether this kind of stress is damaging. But he added,

"Based on our experiences with computer users, we know intensive repetitive use of the upper extremities can lead to musculoskeletal disorders, so we have some reason to be concerned that too much texting could lead to temporary or permanent damage to the thumbs."

Wait, aren't our opposable thumbs what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom? In that case, could the text messaging/thumb destruction epidemic currently sweeping the nation eventually lead to the complete breakdown of all human society? How long before we just start masturbating in public and slinging our feces all over the place like crazed mongrels?! Is excessive text messaging how Jim Cramer's slow decent into madness got started?!

Texting May Be Taking a Toll on Teenagers [New York Times]