America Freaking Out Over Old Navy's Blow-Laced Flip-Flop Sale
Apparently, Old Navy's selling drug-dipped flip-flops (yay!), because people are Googling the shit out of them.
According to a Google Trend count taken about 45 minutes ago, six of the top fifty Google searches have to do with Old Navy and these goddamn flip-flops. The cheapest iteration of The Gap (and the Mormon Mommy approved "angel-wear" to American Apparel's "satanist chic") is having some kind of sale today only. These things are a dollar each, there's a five-pair per-person limit on them (and apparently, seven colors. Ouch). Naturally, people are Twittering this kind of thing, because it's BREAKING NEWS.
One Twitterite ominously warns: "Do not attempt old navy today." Another citizen-journalist and avid Batman fan reports brawls! "It was crazy!!! People fighting over $1 flip flops!!!" Yet another one notes an hour-long wait in New Jersey.
There's actually an Old Navy ten minutes down the street from Gawker's satellite location, but seeing as how I have yet to get a smoke in this morning, you're not getting any on-the-ground reportage from me. I imagine the scene is (mostly) the same all over America: hungry, rabid masses, chewing on coca leaves, bayoneting each other for the final pair of sky-blue, flimsy rubber footwear.
Meanwhile, back on Google Trends, the search query "land of make believe" sits all lonely-like at 98, away from all the cool kids/searches in the front. Believe us, "land of make believe," we always - especially on occasions like this - wish we could be with you. One day, you'll be a "volcanic" search. One day, you'll be a fully grown Google Trend.