In your dire Thursday media column: Us Weekly starts a war, America refuses to watch gay broadcasters, "I.D." is the unluckiest magazine name, and North Korea will try the US reporters it snatched:

Hey, it's a tabloid war! Not a real one—a celebrity tabloid war. Us Weekly ran a two page spread making fun of In Touch for its long history of wrong Brangelina stories. In Touch was like "Whatevs, thanks for the free publicity, LOL, LYLAS!" They added, "Got another fake Brangelina story to write, GTG!"

Both Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper have seen their shows pull in the lowest ratings of the year in the past week. At the same time, Meet The Press also got its lowest ratings since David Gregory took over. You know what this means: David Gregory is gay.

Design magazine I.D. has hired a new editor, because its entire three-person editorial staff left to start their own company. Only one will survive! Or at least that would make the whole thing more dramatic. And, the London style magazine i-D is cutting back to six issues per year. Get a new name people!

North Korea now says that it will put Euna Lee and Laura Ling, the American freelancers for Current TV, on trial next month for "hostile acts," like entering North Korea. "Under North Korea's criminal code, a person convicted of hostile acts against the state faces at least five years in a labor camp." Delta Force now, please.