Today Oprah, noted fast food terrorist, took a short break from destroying America with diabolical chicken riots to welcome Dane Cook on her show, who promptly horrified the world with details of his sex life.

Cook, who we presume must have been tipped by one of his "people" to the fact that Ben Silverman was out there on the internet just douching it up all over the place, stepped up his game and rose to the challenge like a true star. With his appearance on Oprah's show today, Cook effectively looked Silverman squarely in the eye and proclaimed, "I'll see you your topless locker room freestyle horseshit and raise you a rape role play fantasy"! And Oprah just sat there nodding approvingly, looking out over her audience of serfs glued anxiously to their seats in the fleeting hope that she might bestow a shitty car or a morsel of chicken upon them, and laughed, in typical thuggish overlord fashion. Then, she and Dane went backstage and engorged themselves on KFC while millions of Americans sleep hungry AGAIN tonight. The end.

And thanks to Gawker video intern Krutika Mallikarjuna for putting this clip together.