The Way We Live Now: Bobbing helplessly in the Dow Jones waves. The bottom has not yet arrived, friends. Optimism kills. You'll be running to George Soros for Botox money like the other old poors!

In case you were feeling optimistic, please remember: We haven't hit bottom yet. No really, we haven't hit bottom yet. Don't go "investing" in things only to see your money go fly away. Why? Because we haven't hit bottom yet.

For those of you with no money left to invest anyhow, thankfully, George Soros is here to save you, with a $50 million check for the poors. Oh really? Sure he'll give that cash "if [the Robin Hood Foundation charity] and its board members raised almost the same amount in each of the next two years." Haha, George Soros is no fool. How will they "raise" such a fine amount of money? We haven't hit bottom yet.

To the poors: the fact that you will probably never see a dime of George Soros' money may disappoint you, since the new Costco in your neighborhood refuses to take food stamps, simply because they enjoy watching poor people starve. Take heart—We've just received a press release notifying us that "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO STOP THE CLOCK, $99 BOTOX®, Laser Hair Removal, VelaShape™ and more at the nation's top Medical Spas during May MedSpa Month."

You can get those starvation lines cleaned up, cheap!
[Pic: Flickr]