In your bitter Monday media column: Newspaper circulation predictably declines, Martha Stewart is predictably scared of us, old people predictably get conned by media hustlers, and Portfolio's unpredictable burn rate:

New figures for newspaper circulation over the past six months have been released, and "stop the presses" (tasteless and trite joke), they're bad. Overall daily circulation fell 7%, and Sunday circulation fell more than 5%. Both NYC tabloids, and papers in Houston, Miami, San Francisco, Atlanta, and Philly were the big losers. The WSJ was actually up a bit!

Jon Fine pulls out a 2004 interview with Conde Nast CEO Charles Townsend in which he hinted that now-dead Portfolio's total price tag might have been as high as $150 million. That's even more painful than everyone thought, if true.

David Carr talks to our archenemy Martha Stewart for his column this week, and Martha fails to say anything to stoke our ongoing feud. Disappointing. What are you scared of, Martha? Is it that we rule, while you drool? We anxiously await your response.

Sean Hannity still has not been waterboarded.

Con artists are marching around Colorado selling unsuspecting old people subscriptions to the nonexistent "new" version of the dead Rocky Mountain News. This is what happens when old people don't read media blogs frequently enough.