Break out the bubbly and bring back the bottle service, because the huge banks that nearly collapsed on themselves in a terrifying Domino Effect of Financial Doom are back in the black, baby!

Today's winner: Citigroup! The massive financial monstrosity turned a $1.6 billion profit in the first quarter. That's hot on the heels of Goldman Sachs turning a profit, and JPMorgan Chase turning a profit, and also Wells Fargo!

And hey, you, the taxpaying small fry, should feel some pride here. You played a role. Your money played an even bigger role! Wall Street has full confidence in your money.

But your money still has much work left to do. GM is teetering towards bankruptcy. GE is getting hammered. People have stopped buying toys and video games. Children are an unaffordable luxury at a time like this.

Still: bottle service comeback!