Kari Ferrell: Celebulies and Craiglist Hookups
It turns out there is no news in New York City currently that does not relate to hipster grifter Kari Ferrell! Semi-celebrities and prospective hookups are sending us her ridiculous lies! We're programmed to care.
May we indulge in a little amateur psychology? Sure, nobody can stop us, okay. There are three reasons people have instantly become such voracious consumers of Kari Ferrell news (besides "the hard work of talented journalists etc."):
1. She is so much like you or your friends or someone you know. All us young urban cools relate, right? Yes! Just like your neighbor!
2. But yo she was seriously totally psycho. Come on, the frauds and ripoffs or the fake cancer or the fake pregnancies or the other assorted lies would pass for normal one at a time. But all in one place—she was the holy grail of the outwardly cool, inwardly crazy and dangerous person you met at a bar one night.
3. She had the misfortune to perpetrate her fraud in the midst of the most self-absorbed, writing-intensive demographic, and zip code, in all of America. Sucks for her.
Now, new stuff from her! Such as: this response that she sent to a random guy's personal ad on Craigslist just two weeks ago (he was looking for a tall redhead):
I haphazardly stumbled upon your ad on Craigslist, and decided to charm you—with my undeniable wit and good looks (see: roofies)—into disregarding the fact that I am not red-headed or tall. Now, I realize what troubles that could conjure up, so I have compiled a list as to why you should overlook my lack of UK genes.
1.) I can solve complex math equations, harpoon a whale, reference obscure movies/books/songs/bible passages/pornos/wrestlers/
Christmas specials, and shoot a potato gun all while simultaneously singing the theme songs from nationally syndicated television programs of the late 70's and early 80's. If that doesn't convince you to take me, I don't know what will, but just in case I'll continue...
2.) I commonly say things like, "I want to give you a hand job with my mouth."
3.) I graduated with my degree in Music Theory, Composition, and Production—and minored in Physics. I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, besides that I like useless degrees. Impressed?
4.) I appreciate all genres of music. I know everyone says that, and sure, maybe some of them even mean it—but I DOUBLE MEAN IT (???). Examples: Bonnie 'P' Billy, Mono, Owen, The Books, Curtis Mayfield, The Gap Band, The Zombies, Glenn Miller Band, Russian Circles, Kashiwa Daisuke, The Magnetic Fields, Sunn O))), Botch, Benny Goodman, Murs, Boris, The Hood Internet, Phosphorescent, Muddy Waters, Akron/Family, Refused, Schubert, and on and on and on.
5.) I moved here about eight months ago, and though I have several friends and blah blah blah, I haven't met anyone that spurs any sort of excitement in me/can give me the deep-dickin' I deserve.
6.) I have an "I Heart Beards" tattoo that I would allow you to draw an eye patch on; subsequently becoming an "I Heart Pirates" tattoo.
7.) I have boobs.
Okay, there you have it. The rest is up to you, my friend.
She probably doesn't like Kashiwa Daisuke at all, the liar! And now, let's bring it all home with a note from Stephen Colbert's black friend, Jordan Carlos! Really:
I've met Kari Ferrell! She came to a show of mine once at the Slipper Room. We hung out after and she told me she was from Utah. Funny, I guess she wasn't running game that night because all the comedians just kind of hung out with her and a couple of other people. Hmmm... Who knows? Even grifters take a night off I guess. She did say that she was adopted and that her adopted parents were related to comedian Will Ferrell though and that they'd met at a family reunion. In lieu of things I'm kinda not buying it.
There you have it. May the circle be unbroken.
[Pic Flickr. Oh and ha yes. Oh and the fake Twitter and the other fake Twitter.]