In this week's Star: hilarious and slightly depressing "gossip" from Levi Johnston's bitchy, MySpace-y sister Mercede! Do you care about the petty dramas of unwed teen parents in far-off Alaska?

You do if it also involves Parallel Universe Vice President Sarah Palin, who ascended to the post of Empress of Alaksa when she pulled the sword of old-boys-club politics from the Moose of Entrenched Political Interests.

Gawker readers learned about the Palin/Johnston family feud back in January: according to the sister of the father of Sarah Palin's grandson, the Palin's are stuck-up snobs who call the Johnston's "white trash."

The situation back in January:

Umm, I'm not allowed to see my nephew and my mom isn't either. We aren't Palins so therefore we are white trash and Bristol doesn't want her baby around us. So mom and I are really upset over it. I just hope Levi pulls his head out of his butt and lets us see our nephew and her grandbaby.

Things have only gotten worse since then! For one thing, Star (presumably) paid Mercede some cash for the exclusive, sad details.

"Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible. She tells him he can't take the baby to our house because she doesn't want him around 'white trash'!"

Also there is a "hate-filled text message Bristol sent Levi, cheating rumors," and, surprising no one, "lies about Bristol's schooling." You know, the sad little family dramas that play out every time dumb, inadequately educated kids who just wanted to screw end up with babies they're not ready for. Except the losing Republican candidate for Vice President of the US is involved.