Jeremy Piven is expected to show up for his Actor's Equity hearing tomorrow to determine whether his "mercury poisoning" excuse was totally made up, duh. The biggest hole in Piven's defense? His exhaustively documented partying.

Since producers for Speed-the-Plow lacked star insurance for the bolting Piven, the Actor's Equity hearing is their best chance to receive financial remuneration as well as really, really hurt Piven's feelings in public. And hurt them they shall! Producers have already forced Piven to take a blood test administered by someone other than his musclebound teevee doctor, and Piven will have to present the results as well as a comprehensive detailing of his illness to the committee, comprised of five actors and five producers.

That there is the tricky part, as producers are expected to counter with a log (supplied by Piven's driver) that shows how much late-night partying the supposedly ailing actor engaged in, says the Post. But who needs a driver's log when we have a full assortment of paparazzi photos and tabloid stories that place Piven out and about? Here's a mere sampling of his reconstructed nightlife schedule, put together after a perusal of Getty Images:

October 3: Speed-the-Plow begins preview performances
October 13: Piven attends Filth and Wisdom after-party
October 20: Piven attends Rangers game
October 23: Speed-the-Plow opens, Piven attends late-night after-party
November 5: Piven attends Domenico Vaccas party
November 16: Piven hosts cocktail party to benefit The Piven Theatre Workshop
December 2: Piven crashes Britney Spears's birthday party
December 3: Piven attends celebration for the Capsule Line with Common and Softwear by Microsoft (whatever that is)
December 8: Piven attends after-party for The Wrestler
December 17: Piven bails on Speed-the-Plow

And that log barely scratches the surface of the actor's comprehensive model-corralling. Still, despite Piven's impending peril, at least he can shoehorn a dramatic, Emmy-grabbing storyline into Entourage where he bravely rouses Vince from a Broadway-induced deathbed, then prescribes a recuperative diet of 22-year-olds clad in Kitson baby tees.