Patrick Swayze is battling a reportedly rapidly-advancing disease beyond his control while young heiresses Courtenay Semel is viciously fighting with her heiress ex for no real reason whatsoever.

  • Lesbian heiress Courtenay Semel will mess you UP: She allegedly beat the crap out of her heiress ex-girlfriend Casey Johnson, then set Johnson's hair on fire. Johnson had to go to the hospital. Courtenay says the whole thing is being blown out of proportion. Um. [P6]
  • Patrick Swayze underwent a secret cancer operation in December, but the disease has spread to his lungs and is interfering with his breathing, the Enquirer reported. A former Cancery Society spokesman put his chances of recovering at "less than 10 percent." [Enquirer]
  • Balthazar Getty is supposedly back on drugs and alienating his co-stars on Brothers & Sisters. [Ted Casablanca, Perez]
  • A drunk woman at the Golden Globes told Brad Pitt, "you should definitely shave that goatee because it looks just horrible." Pitt's friends found this hilarious. [Showbiz Spy]
  • Jeremy Piven's lady friend Ashley Chontos was promised she'd be his date for the Golden Globes, so she bought a dress and everything. Then he took his mom. Quick, Piven: Figure out if poor memory is a plausible sympton of mercury poisoning. [Cindy Adams]
  • Kurt Vonnegut once told his mistress she should write a play because it would be unchallenging: "The theaters are empty.... you don't have to describe characters in depth." Such a sweetheart. [P6]
  • Kevin Bacon, after getting swindled by Bernie Madoff: "I need to work, for obvious reasons." [Scoop]