Hahahahaha. Nobody watched Monday night's premiere of The City, MTV's poop crap dump of a new reality show (and a spin-off of The Hills). Nobody!

Well, OK. 1.6 million people did. But that's a whole million folks lower than what watched the Hillsypants season finale last week. So smell you Nancy Drew, Whitney Port! Failure! And more importantly: Olivia Palermo. Serious failure.

Oh, and even more nobody watched Bromance. Which is satisfying, and obvious. How many times do we have to tell MTV that no one gives a good god damn about Brodiahica Jenner? Well here's one more time: No one cares. Just stop it already.

Happy New Year!