The whole sad story of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's marriage just gets worse and worse. First the Silly Puddy fake couple from The Hills filthily escaped to Mexico for a totes unplanned elopement beach wedding that Us Weekly was lucky enough to have happened to be there for. So that was like, serendipity and bliss and like cold, oily honeymoon sex and stuff! Now, with that matter of dually plastic and farty bologna-smelling espirit de corps behind them, the couple has soldiered on to new territory: More Us Weekly covers! Involving Heidi's devastatingly sad mom!
Yeah, there's a new Us cover about big-titted Heidi being an independent laday whose stuffy old Colorado moms just doesn't get it. What's sort of shitty-diaper baffling about it is that Heidi's mom seemed kind of like a normal lady not too long ago. Now she's, what? Interviewing with glossy celeb weeklies to admonish her child? Is this some secret backdoor way of helping Heidi, what with the publicity and all? I hate to sound like the naive little rube I can sometimes be, but really?? This is happening?
And then Spencer went on Ryan Seacrest's gay comedy hour on the radio and Seacrest was all "dude" and "bro" and "look, boobages." And Spencer talked about how shitty Heidi's momz is about all of this and then, chipperly, said "yeah, we just filmed together last week." Because the world goes 'round.
That's the update.