Have you heard the one about the Disney Channel star in a nude-photo scandal? No, not that one. Or that one. But rather Adrienne Bailon, the co-star of Disney's series Cheetah Girls and, before last weekend, among the network's last remaining female talent not to have half-naked pictures of herself circulating online. Good thing she has a friend in the crisis-publicity racket, right? Alas, she has neither a crisis nor a friend if her mercenary flack-turned-famewhore gossip Jonathan Jaxson's stunningly dumb TV mea culpa is any indication.We'll get to the details in a bit, but we know what you're probably thinking: Who? But even if Bailon's name escapes you, Jonathan Jaxson is likely enough of a gossip-culture parasite to leave a mark: The 25-year-old former publicist for the Backstreet Boys is the same freak who last year solicited Perez Hilton's aid in boosting the profile of his upstart blog, JJ's Dirt. And by "solicited," we mean "offered to whore himself out for a private Perez sex tape in exchange for interviews and other [ahem] resources." When both the sex tape and Perez's help failed to materialize, Jaxson fed their IM chats to Page Six and eventually published the blogger's phone number on JJ's Dirt.

Seven months on, when Bailon's laptop was allegedly stolen and bottomless photos of her surfaced online, who was the trusted counsel to whom the starlet turned in her bare-ass time of need? The same Jonathan Jaxson against whom Perez still has a pending lawsuit charging "libel, slander, invasion of privacy, harassment, and intentional infliction of emotional distress." And who in turn threatened to sue the leaker of Bailon's pics — who is his own client. In concert with Jaxson. But don't take our word for it: have a look at Jaxson's appearance Tuesday on Atlanta's CBS affiliate, where he apparently has a standing invitation to roll around in the studio fertilizer on-camera for a few minutes every week. And in what we hope might be his last appearance for a while, Jaxson explains exactly how the nudie-scandal sausage was made. Spoiler alert: He's a manipulator! And, without a doubt, the worst fucking publicist in the history of flackdom. Congrats! Or something.