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• Yesterday, Broadway actress Pia Glenn slammed Salman Rushdie, saying her ex-boyfriend was "dysfunctional" and was still obsessed with his ex-wife, Padma Lakshmi. Today, it's Rushdie's turn to hit back. Not has he "long ago turned the page and moved on" from Lakshmi, he says, he would also like you to know that Glenn is "a large, radioactive bucket of stress," "an accomplished liar," and also happens to be "broke and unemployed." So we're guessing a reconciliation is totally out of the question here? [P6]
• Expect to see an angry video by Tricia Walsh-Smith posted to YouTube any minute now. A state appeals court rejected the rage-filled divorcée's motion to undo her pre-nup to theater mogul Philip Smith yesterday. [P6]
• A California teenager has been charged with burglarizing Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge's homes and making off with $170,000. [People, NYDN]
• Is Ali Wise's PR career over now that four women have accused her of voicemail hacking? That's what the Post suggests today, with a source telling the paper that "Wise is now radioactive in the industry." Then again, if there's anything we can learn from Lizzie Grubman's not-so-pretty past, it's that people who work in PR tend to be a very forgiving bunch. [NYP]

• Despite what Michael Lohan would like you to believe, Lindsay Lohan says she's cut off ties with her dad and hasn't responded to his "threatening and erratic messages over the last several months." Could this be a sign that LiLo is finally using a little good judgment? Seems so! [Us]
• It was the Swiss, it seems, who sold out Roman Polanski, telling US authorities that the movie director was set to arrive in Zurich. Guess that whole "we're Swiss, so we're neutral" thing is over then? [NYDN]
• Apparently, Details thinks openly gay Adam Lambert is a sex symbol for heterosexual women, so naturally the mag's editors shot Lambert making out with a female model for a spread in Details' November issue. "I like kissing women sometimes," Lambert said. "Women are pretty. It doesn't mean I'm necessarily sleeping with them." [P6, MSNBC]
• When Glenn Beck goes to pee, he does so with a bodyguard by his side. Do keep that in mind, especially if you were harboring any violent bathroom fanatasies or whatever. [P6]
• Rachel Maddow says women who work in cable news look like they're beauty pageant contestants and since she "sorta looks like a dude," she'll never be mistaken for Maria Bartiromo. We'll make a note of that. [NYDN]
• In an interview on MTV's It's On with Alexa Chung, Gerard Butler flirted shamelessly with Chung and admitted that he's had a threesome in the past. Just in case you were wondering about that. [The Sun]
• Reese Witherspoon tells the November issue of InStyle that she spends her weekends as a vegetable-growing chicken farmer in Ojai, California. No word on whether Jake Gyllenhall walks around shirtless, too. [People]
• James Franco says he hasn't smoked pot since high school "because it just stopped being fun," but people always think he's stoned anyway. [P6]
• Avril Lavigne filed for divorce just last week, but her ex, Sum 41 rocker Deryck Whibley, isn't wasting any time moving on. He was spotted making out with his new girlfriend at "Tattoo Mania" in Hollywood. Classy. [TMZ]
• In a new tell-all, Hulk Hogan said he came very close to killing himself after his split with wife Linda in 2007. [NYDN]
• Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise went to a massive Scientology meeting/party in England on October 16th, one which was also attended by John Travolta and Kelly Preston. Tom later complained about the protestors outside, saying, "They're squirrels. Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!" No, we don't what any of that means either. [Us]
• There's a flu outbreak on the set of Dancing With the Stars! If you were thinking about hanging with Derek Hough or Mark Ballas, make sure you bring you bring your swine flu mask. [People]
• Perpetually delusional Jon Gosselin is demanding $12,000 to appear on a Florida radio show. And if you're sick of all the incessant news about the Gosselins? Life & Style says they're not going to report on the family any longer. [TMZ, MSNBC]
• Unfortunately, the rest of America doesn't appear to be following Life & Style's lead. Kate Gosselin wigs are selling out for Halloween. [People]
Eyewitness News anchor Bill Ritter had a little "Ernie Anastos moment"on the air yesterday evening. Please accept his apologies. [NYDN]