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• Even President Obama has acknowledged (unofficially) that Kanye West's microphone-snatching episode at the VMAs made Kanye a "jackass." Lucky for Jay Leno—and his ratings—Kanye apologized (again) on the comedian's primetime debut last night. "It was rude, period... I'm just ashamed that my hurt caused someone else's hurt," West said. [NYDN, People, Us]
• Topper Mortimer is hooking up with Vogue editor Valerie Boster. (It's about time the dude moved on.) Meanwhile, his ex, Tinsley, is having issues with her new reality show. Producers are trying to drum up other socialites to make appearances since she's not "dynamic enough on her own." [P6]
• Jeremy Piven won't be hugging it out with the Public Theater any time soon. His lawyers have served the venue with a cease and desist over its play, "The Piven Monologues," which details his fishy bailout from "Speed the Plow." [P6]
• Patrick Swayze has died after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer. Stars have been paying tribute to the Dirty Dancing star via Twitter, and the old-fashioned way, in released statements. [NYDN, People, Us, Star]

• Yes, Megan Fox is hot. But she's also a dumbass, says the Transformers crew in an open letter on director Michael Bay's website. [Sun, DM]
• Katy Perry kissed Russell Brand. She liked it (obvs). And she also made out with John Mayer... all in the same weekend. Busy girl! [P6]
• Diddy got in a dust-up with the 5-0 outside of 1Oak after the VMAs. A rep assures everyone it was just a misunderstanding. [NYDN]
• Whitney Houston opened up to Oprah about her emotionally abusive relationship with ex Bobby Brown. He spit in her face and slapped her, she says. Classy guy. [Star, Sun]
• Sean Penn again proves he knows how to get a room—and that can't be without a woman for five minutes. He was spotted with his latest ladyfriend, Sports Illustrated model Jessica White, at Hotel Griffou, the Mercer Hotel, and the Standard Hotel over the weekend. [P6]
• Jessica Simpson tweeted that a coyote has taken her malti-poo, Daisy, and she's offering a reward. Further evidence that certain celebrities should just not be allowed to own pets. [DM]
• The Box is opening a "nightmare fantasyland" called Purgatorio on 47th and 8th and its look will apparently evoke the orgy scene from Eyes Wide Shut. Is it us, or does this just reek of trouble? [P6]
Anna Wintour likes balls. Tee hee. She stashed a foul (tennis) ball in her purse at the US Open on Sunday. [P6]
Kim Cattrall is assuring everyone that there have not been any catfights on the NYC set of Sex and the City. Everyone is getting along swimmingly. Got it? [People]