The man who shall save newspapers is back with another newspaper-saving memo! Possibly written while under the influence of ibogaine! This time Tribune's Chief Innovation Of New Ways To Make Bongs Officer Lee Abrams is doing what he does best: showering a far-flung newspaper with ideas about how they should do their job, according to none other than career radio man Lee Abrams. "What does Pravda say about our economy?" "Poker is the 21st Century Bridge." Think about it, newspaperpeople! This is hands-down the BEST LEE ABRAMS MEMO YET: And now, Lee Abrams' suggestions to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Sex: SEX AND RELIGION ARE THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT TOPICS ION THE WORLD! A weekly theme of Sex/relationships. Monday Gay Florida Tuesday Does E-Harmony work? Weds Teens & Sex exposed... etc... Religion: Monday: Can Jews and Muslims co exist; Tuesday The religious ultra right; Wednesday Catholics in America.... etc...

We practice this theory daily.

*STAR EVERYTHING. Are you a "listing service" or experts? Listing events for Kids? Star them. So Mom can say "Oh—The Sentinel gives the science fair three stars, lets take the kids". Give events and places a 'reason' the expert not just the lister. Same goes for restaurants of course, and well, just about everything you 'list'.

"Insurgents Retake Southern Areas Of Fallujah (TWO STARS!)"

*WORDING. At the Sentinel there was a story about exotic Asian restaurants, and the reefer was "Learn about Tasty Treats". Tasty Treats??? OK for Campbell's in 1955 or for a candy article, but other than that, it's old world newspaperspeak!

Heh, "reefer." But how about some new stories, Lee—things our readers haven't heard before?

*SCAM PATROL. Identity theft...Infomercials that are questionable...Nigerian 419 scams...they're everywhere. We need to inform and BUST these 21st century menaces. It's REAL...It's NOW. *POKER. I know the Sun Sentinel does this. It's HOT. Poker is the 21st Century Bridge.

Why do we love you so, Lee Abrams?

Wanna reach more 30-40? Well, start ATTACKING WITH ANTI A.D.D. NOTICABILITY.

[Daily Pulp via Romenesko]