When Barack Obama was 10, his grandfather would take him over to ole Frank Davis' house, where the two older men would drink whisky out of jars and play Scrabble. Sometimes Obama would help the men compose dirty limericks, or listen as Davis read poetry. This went on until the Democratic presidential nominee was 17, and during that time Davis acted as a mentor, according to Obama's memoir. It later emerged that Davis pseudonymously wrote a "hard-core pornographic autobiography" detailing his sex with a thirteen-year-old girl. This was all known in August, after a widely-blogged report in Britain's Telegraph, but the National Enquirer is now reporting it as an "Exclusive OBAMA SEX PERV SCANDAL," because Obama should be ashamed of almost being molested, or something:

Obama described being counseled by Frank often and recalled drinking whiskey with him.

Since Frank Davis has been identified as the author of Sex Rebel: Black, Obama has been extremely secretive about the true nature of his experience with the self-admitted deviant.

Unfortunately for Obama, the Enquirer probably sells well among the working-class whites in Appalachia and the Rust Belt, and it looks like he's in the same issue as Elvis Presley's twin granddaughters. But child Obama should have known this would happen, using the same clairvoyant powers that would have allowed him to know Davis was a perv years before anyone else knew he was a perv. For shame!