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• After 16 years of marriage, Stephanie Seymour has filed for divorce from her polo-playing, art-obsessed husband, Peter Brant. And it doesn't sound like he's taking it well: The mogul reportedly changed the locks on the couple's Greenwich mansion, and is now forcing Stephanie to sleep in the maid's quarters and threatening to take custody of their three kids. The good news, at least as far as the public's concerned: From the looks of it, the split could be just as riveting as last summer's Brinkley-Cook saga. [P6]
• Kiefer Sutherland is expected to turn himself in to the NYPD today for headbutting Jack McCollough. The penalties may be stiff, too, considering he's still on probation from a 2007 DUI arrest. [NYP]
• The Malawian father of baby Mercy says he was appalled by what Madonna wore to the Costume Institute gala this week, since she should "feel ashamed in that gear." We couldn't agree more. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan spent the night at Sam Ronson's house and changed her BlackBerry messenger name to "LL loves Sam Ronson" on Tuesday, which probably means the two are getting back together. [People]

• The surrogate mom having Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's twins? She's reportedly a 26-year-old bisexual kennel worker, just so you know. [Star]
• Jennifer Aniston was spotted flirting with Bradley Cooper and "whispering in his ear" during a party this week, which means they might be dating. [P6]
• Or Jen might still be pining for Brad Pitt, with whom she's been having lots of late-night phone chats now that he's supposedly having problems with Angelina Jolie. [In Touch]
• Mel Gibson has informed his kids that he and his Russian girlfriend are having a baby. Or so says the National Enquirer. [NE]
• Michael Jackson has been slapped with a $44 million lawsuit by his former spokeswoman for reneging on a promise to give her a 10 percent cut of the deals she helped negotiate. [NYDN]
• Chris Brown's attorney would still like to know who leaked Rihanna's crime scene photo to TMZ. [NYDN]
• Britney Spears is making all kinds of demands on the staff at the Dorchester Hotel in London. [Star]
• Tyler Perry's alleged stalker is scheduled to be arraigned today. [TMZ]
Ian Schrager's ex-wife Rita and her new boyfriend, Andrew Buffalino, have moved in together. [P6]
• Ford Models is suing rival Next Management for poaching a model. [NYP]
Stanley Tucci's wife passed away from cancer last week. [P6]
• Carrie Prejean has been offered $1 million to star in a porno. [TMZ]
• Spencer Pratt says he and Heidi Montag love being celebs and "pray every day to stay famous." Insert your own snide remark here. [MSNBC]
• Oprah says she wrote her Time essay about Michelle Obama on her BlackBerry, but then erased it by accident and had to start all over! See how rough it is to be Oprah sometimes? [NYDN]