Brooklyn Kickball Brawl: "Brother Fighting Against Brother"
We thought that Williamsburg, Brooklyn's hipster kickball season was over after attending its corrupt end-of-season prom, where alcohol was served and a girl-kickballer in a tutu hit on our boyfriend. But they're still going! And they're still fightin'. Last Sunday's game included an "all-out brawl," with punch-throwing and tossed bottles of Colt 45—a beverage that even some homeless people think is beneath them. We e-mailed some kickballers to get the lowdown. One reply: "Omfg, I am totally appalled and offended. How does something so pure as alcohol and jr. high sports turn into something so ugly?"What happened? Says another kickballer,
Apparently there was a big blow-up last night during the second semi-final matchup. The Bacon Bits beat Prison in the Game 1. The John Cougar Mellencamps were playing the reigning-champ Commitments in the second when I guess some iffy/gamechanger call was made. A brawl ensued. Punches were thrown, seasons were cancelled, there were abandoned Colt45 slugs every, I assume. I actually left between the to semis for a pizza pie...
Says the first player, who is very clearly bullshitting us, not that we have any sort of problem with that:
"it was the 2nd game of the night. Commitments vs the John Cougar Mellencamps... two teams that have shared players, girlfriends, bills, and drugs together too many times to count. Then, in the 2nd inning of a tight game, all of a sudden the sky opened up and the death rattle of blistering drops of rain pelted the field, the ball and all us wholesomes. The wrath of the God we've rebuked has come for us.
Brother fighting against brother, dogs and cats getting married, absolute mayhem. Beers were hurled at players in the field, baserunners plowed over, coaches shoved, roundhouse kicks to the cranium, body slams of 120lb men. Ugliest, most offensive thing I've EVER seen. This is what happens when hipsters decide to care about something.
Good news, afterwards we all went to the bar and ended up making out w/ each other and having orgy sex in the bathrooms."