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• Paris Hilton is getting married! Well, sort of. America's original celebutard told reporters that boyfriend Doug Reinhardt is "going to be my husband," and now friends say they're planning a summer wedding in the Bahamas. These two are going to be together forever, just you wait and see. [E!]
• The Lindsay Lohan-Sam Ronson trainwreck rolls on: Ronson seems to have changed her mind and decided she no longer wants a restraining order; LiLo says she's "devastated" by the breakup and that everyone has turned on her. Now Lohan's friends say they're worried she's suicidal. [People, Us, TMZ]
• You didn't expect Michael Lohan to pass up a PR opportunity, did you? He says he's cleared his schedule and put aside his "numerous commitments" to help Lindsay through this crisis. [OK!]
• Madonna isn't taking her legal defeat in Malawi very well: Not only did she send her kids to stay with Guy Ritchie so she could "drown her sorrows" with Stella McCartney, she wore an "uncharacteristically mumsy outfit," too, which can't possibly be a good sign. [Sun, DM]

• Madge did take a moment from wallowing in self-pity to reflect on the less fortunate: She reportedly donated $500,000 to victims of the earthquake in Italy. [People]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps' efforts to move on from the Count aren't working out so well: She was spotted "locking lips" with the owner of Almond in Bridgehampton, but he also says he's gay and kisses "almost every woman that comes into the restaurant." [P6]
Harry Potter star Jamie Waylett was arrested after cops found eight bags of pot inside his Audi and a "£2,000 cannabis farm" in his bedroom. [Sun]
• Dr. Drew's latest TV project: A Celebrity Rehab spinoff for sex addicts. [TMZ]
• Rob Lowe has won the first round in a lawsuit against his former nanny, who he says violated a confidentiality agreement. [TMZ]
• Redmond O'Neal was formally charged with heroin possession yesterday. [People]
• Hamptons restaurateur Ed Kleefield turned himself into authorities last Friday for writing nearly $300,000 in bad checks. [P6]
Iron Chef's Cat Cora and wife Jennifer had a baby boy on Saturday. [Us]
• Someone poured beer on Peaches Geldof's head at Bungalow 8 in London, poor thing. [Sun]
• Yet another sign of doom: Actor Kal Penn has joined the Obama administration as associate director in the White House office of public liaison. [LAT]
• Nic Cage has been forced to sell his castle in Germany. [AFP]
• Charlie Sheen's son has been released from the hospital. [People]
• Someone created a fake Eric Ripert account on Twitter, and now the real Eric Ripert is not too happy. [P6]
• Oprah's latest cause involves bringing the Olympics to Chicago in 2016. Step in her way at your own risk. [MSNBC]
Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester's first single is online. Enjoy. [PH]