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It's a Zen-worthy philosophical riddle: If all the boldfaced names who turn up to a store opening deny that they themselves would dream of wearing the clothes, does that neutralize the PR value of their presence? At the launch of Juicy Couture's Fifth Avenue flagship last night, the guest list was a publicist's wet dream—or would have been—if The Transom hadn't asked people what they thought of the label.

Martha Stewart responded diplomatically: "I cannot even imagine that one thing would fit me in here," while Jay McInerney was quick to confirm that he and his wife Anne Hearst don't wear Juicy, although his 13-year-old daughter does. What about Elle's Anne Slowey? "No, no," said the newly-minted reality star. "I don't have anything with letters in my closet." Or anything that would trigger a bad taste allergy, we're sure.

It seemed that everyone had a polite way of saying "I wouldn't wear this crap if my life depended on it!" Jennifer Jason Leigh—one of the most daring actresses of her generation—claimed she wasn't "bold" enough; Sarah Silverman's excuse was that her ass is too flat to wear sweats (she then eagerly changed the subject to her default, child molestation).

Finally, someone fessed up: Julie Macklowe, the hedge funder and wife of Billy Macklowe, admitted to owning a pair of sweatpants with Juicy across the butt, before begging of reporter Irina Aleksander: "Please don't tell!" Too late, Julie: You will never darken the pages of Vogue again.

The Juicy is Loose! Temple to the Sweatpant Gods Draws Gossip Girls... and Martha Stewart! [NYO]