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When it comes to values, there is no better role model than Paris Hilton. The heiress has a love for family members rich enough to post bail money, a love of puppies so strong it’s against the law, and a love for makin’ love in da club with other people’s boyfriends. But there are two things Paris cherishes more than anything in her Barbie Dreamhouse of a world: staying skinny and smoking the reefer. Which has recently presented a problem for the heiress with a heart of gold. According to the National Enquirer:

[Hilton] became concerned recently because her clothes have been growing tight and she knew she was gaining weight...’She will go to the bathroom to smoke at different Hollywood clubs, or sometimes she’ll just light up in the VIP area,’ said the source.”

So how does one choose between wearing pretty dresses and using Annie Hall's solution to having sex with an unattractive boyfriend? Paris’ decision, after the jump.

As the source claims, Paris has a charming habit of showing up to parties complaining about how much she just ate after a toking session. Which might explain her infamous lazy eye always visible in party pictures! But after a series of heartbreaking evenings spent trying and failing to squeeze into her favorite old dishrags gemstone-encrusted dresses, Hilton has "decided to throw away the pipe to avoid the munchies and get back to her ideal weight." Color us confused, but isn't this entire tale just a little suspicious? Last we heard, Paris doesn't even do drugs. Like, never. Like, she'll take an Adderall when she feels dizzy and stuff, but she has Never. Tried. Drugs. Then again, maybe the reason that she got her facts messed up was because she was as stoned as Snoop Dogg when she told that lie story on Larry King last summer. At this point, that's the best possible explanation we can come up with.