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As we mentioned yesterday, the cover of the current issue of People magazine bears the image of Jodie Sweetin—famous for being a former meth addict, star of Full House, and host of a waist-down exotic dancing competition, in that order—holding proof positive of a God that believes in second chances: Zoie, her 7-week-old baby daughter. (Who, contrary to an erroneous rumor floating around the internet, was not named for a two-headed pygmy rabbit who'd frequently appear after several sleepless nights on the pipe, offering Sweetin companionship and life coaching whenever it could.)

People, it goes without saying, is a top-tier publication with tens of millions of dollars to spend on the world's most highly anticipated, Rapture-hastening celebrity birth-exclusives. So if you're left wondering how Sweetin, whose last IMDb credit came over two years ago as the voice of "He's so gross Penguin" in TV dad Bob Saget's aquatic-fowl parody Farce of the Penguins, managed to parlay a crank habit into some blue-chip glossy coverage, you're not alone. Still, when you account for the looming deadlines of a slow celebrity-news week, the titillating possibilities of bold, five-word cover line reading, "FROM METH ADDICT TO MOM," start to come into crisp focus—to say nothing of setting the stage nicely for its follow-up report, "FROM METH ADDICT TO MOM BACK TO METH ADDICT TO BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN TO FOOD NETWORK STAR: JODIE SWEETIN'S INCREDIBLE JOURNEY OF FAITH."