Obviously the forthcoming book Hollywood Babylon: It's Back is going to be the must-have ironic hipster book of the season, what with its collection of full-frontal shots of male celebrities like, allegedly, Mick Jagger, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ewan McGregor and, terrifyingly, John Malkovich. But in case you can't afford, or bring yourself, to buy the cock gawker for your coffee table, here are the Cliff's Notes:

The biggest dicks belong to Johnny Depp, allegedly known as "donkey dick," and Sean Connery, who supposedly posed nude for art students (uh, really?), one of whom said of Connery's instrument, "it made me drop my charcoal pencil." There's also a bunch of gossip about which dead celebrities slept with which other dead celebrities.

Finally, the Daily News throws some cold water on the book, noting "We leave it to you to decide whether all the [dick] snaps are authentic." Uh, Daily News? Anyone who can authenticate a huge collection of celebrity dongs just by looking at them probably takes home wayyy too much per hour to waste time working as your fact checker.

[Daily News]