Anderson Cooper would like to have a very serious, very special talk with you. The silver-haired CNN anchor knows you, his obsessive fan, got a little huffy when he told Conan O'Brien that his "live blog was a chance for all my stalkers to be in one place at one time." Look, he didn't mean it like that. It's just, when you are as beautiful as he is, there some cooky, crazy people who come out of the woodwork. Or out of the steam room at Equinox. Whatever. The point is, take this quick test, written by Anderson himself, and decide if you are a stalker:

1. If you've been contacted by authorities and asked not to attempt to contact me further… but you still do, there's a good chance you've crossed the line.

2. If you've attempted to gain entry to my apartment under false pretenses, and can't imagine why that might be inappropriate, that's another red flag.

3. If you believe I am secretly communicating to you online, or with the clothes I wear, or by telepathy through your radiator, that's a problem as well.

4. If you have read the last three items and laughed, or said, "wow, that's weird" you are not a stalker.

5. If you have read items 1-3 and notice they apply to you, but then tell yourself they actually don't apply to you. Well, that's not good.

See, not so bad! You're probably just crushing, not stalking.

Thankfully for Anderson Cooper Effects — and for Gawker — there's no last item like...

6. If you have blogged about me 19 times or more so far this year, get help. And maybe? A life.