So yesterday we showed you this fantastically priceless video of Fox News host Shepard Smith saying "blowjob" on live TV. "I have no idea how that happened," he says sheepishly. Also probably mystifying to Smith then, is how he didn't manage to come off as a good 'ol snatch-loving Southern boy in today's Observer profile of him. He talked about football and everything! Well, sort of. Mostly he talked about doing Eli Manning, the Giants' native son. "I've met him a number of times," said Mr. Smith. "He's a private guy. He's likes to stay to himself. Eli, as a friend, would be weird. I like him being my quarterback." Hoo boy. We can see his publicist, head in hands, now. Other wince-worthy quotes after the jump.

  • "Roger [Ailes] and I are tight. I want to perform for him in the way a kid wants to perform for his dad." Uh. Ew.
  • "I've been thinking about Eli Manning being in the Super Bowl all my life. I'm probably more excited about this than he is." "I'm kind of a techno freak. So that'll be fun." No comment. None.
  • "Archie [Manning's father] was on the wall next to Cheryl Tiegs." See America? He lusted after swimsuit models! Nothing to look at here!

Except that, like New York magazine before it, the Observer wants you to know what they think but aren't ballsy enough to say, so they're going to use Smith's wall to play wink-nudge with you too. "A framed photograph of Mr. Smith and his younger brother, pregaming under the oak trees on the Ole Miss campus, hung on the wall." His brother, eh? Maybe. No one else hanging in that office? Anyone at all? No? We get it, quit poking us already.