Oh noes! Perez Hilton, your favorite blogossip maven and carpeted spiral staircase-haver, went under the knife yesterday. The laser knife. Yes, he's gotten LASIK eyeball surgery so he can finally see clearly without the use of irritating contact lenses and nerdy glasses. And he's recorded a goodbye video on his site, because he won't be back to blergin' until late today. Can you imagine? It'll be a whole day practically without queeny musings on Tony Romo and Britney Spears' former assistant. Kwell dommage. At least we can await a brighter future in which, with his new robotic laser-infused seein' spuds, the Microsoft Paint penises he draws on so many photos will turn into beautiful, stunningly realistic, subtly shaded and textured cocks. "Is that a Caravaggio," some creaky doyenne will cluck. "Oh noooo, madam," her foppish man servant, Brilliams, will reply. "It's a Hilton!" Dramatic goodbye video (featuring the debut of the carpeted spiral staircase!) is here.