It takes a lot to get us angry these days. We're medicated and mostly in a constant state of sedation. However, we'll make an exception for TMZ's new slideshow: Premature Aging! (exclamation point theirs). This is a gallery featuring 74 photos of celebrities with pithy comments underneath, criticizing them for looking "decades" older than their age. For instance: "Mischa Barton — At 22, she looks old enough to play her mother on The O.C." or "Tara Reid — At 32, she's still not as haggard as her liver."
Unsurprisingly, this perpetually misogynistic website uses mostly women in the gallery, although they throw in a few men like Mickey Rourke to pretend to even the score. The one saving grace is that by the time you get to page 2, TMZ no longer bothers with their moronic commentary.
Listen, we agree that Chelsea Handler is probably not 33. Who's kidding who here? Fergie looks older as well, mostly because she has meth face. But taking cheap shots at the physical appearance of teens like Ali Lohan, 14, Riley Keough, 18, and Miley Cyrus, 15, is unnecessary and crass. Most offensively, it's not funny. Painfully unfunny.
While we're on the subject of the painfully unfunny, hear this, TMZ! We caught some of your show TMZ TV when it first ushered in the end of times. With the exception of the one hot guy you clearly just hired for the show, most of the staff has what is called a "face for blogging." You're the last people on earth who should be calling other people out for looking busted. Unlike you guys, however, we're not going to name names because that would require us to actually learn your names. Which would require us to watch the show again.
A sample of TMZ's "hilarious" commentary below...