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Now that the media at large has had time to reflect upon the important national matter that was Starbucks' closing for three hours for "training," it's time to take a look at the lessons learned. The real purpose of the event: A PR stunt. The media: Played like a violin. Complicit: Us. Did CEO Howard Schultz succeed in finding the company's "soul?" Of course not! It was never there to begin with. And the real benefit for the employees: The chance to get drunk and dress up in costumes. As this final, poignant insider email to us attests:

I attended the Stabucks meeting on Tuesday... drunk, and in full costume. The majority of the employees recognized the bullshit of the meeting and decided to make it more intereseting by coming in costume. I dressed up as Lake Michigan, another went as a mime, another as Jimi Hendrix, and some homosexual went as someting like: I-want-to-dress-like-a-girl-but"the buckies"(as well call it)-won't-allow-us-to-express-our-true-selves. We were so drunk we all passed out on the comfy chairs. All in all the meeting helped me catch up on my sleep.