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Joanna Cutler, a rich real estate broker who lives in the opulent Plaza hotel, found herself trapped in a garbage room in the palatial building for seven hours last week, only steps away from her luxurious apartment. She had left her apartment unlocked, and the thought of someone walking in and stealing her precious Faberge egg tortured her during her accidental confinement. Sadly, none of the obvious universal, karmic, philosophical implications of this situation were recognized by the rich lady herself. Or the New York Post.

Plainly, the freak door malfunction that trapped the bourgeois property queen in the seamy, unadorned underbelly of her very own facade of wealth was a punishment sent down from whatever god reigns supreme, in an attempt to teach a lesson to one of his children led astray by our materialistic society. This attempt, however, failed. Cutler "Bloodied her hands beating on the door and cut her fingers to shreds trying to claw her way out," while screaming for hours on end and losing hope of rescue. Instead of turning her thoughts to the great beyond, contemplating our finite position in this infinite universe, she turned her thoughts to her Faberge egg. Oh well.

To compound the loss of this potentially revelatory lesson for all of humanity, the Post simply wrote up a story sympathetic to the ordeal that befell Cutler, without once questioning what facet of her position in this ownership society had prompted the lord above to select her as an example to teach us all about the perils of overt acquisitiveness.

Cutler may sue the Plaza, as the spirits of moral philosophers from Jesus to John Stuart Mill wail in despair.

[Photo via NYP]