The celebrity weekly's cover story is actually about how the children of mentally ill famous woman Britney Spears are pretty much doing just fine, it turns out, under the care of people who properly strap them into carseats and wear underpants, but there's no denying the power of that headline. What do they know? Is Us Weekly willing to do whatever it takes to find out what Sean and Jayden know? There are lives on the line, people. The entire celebrity-industrial complex may depend on whatever actionable intelligence can be procured—by any means necessary—from these tow-headed youngsters. How do stars get glam? Who benefits? That's the real question, isn't it—why?—the "how" is just scenery for the suckers. Lufti, Adnan, X17, TMZ, it keeps people guessing like a parlor game, but it prevents them from asking the most important question—why? You're close, Us Weekly. Closer than you think. [Us Weekly]