Although we did recently declare a temporary moratorium on burger phone jokes, it is worth noting that a blogger who goes by the handle of Big Ross recently got his hands on a copy of Diablo Cody's first post-Juno script, entitled Jennifer's Body. Megan Fox (Transformers) and director Karyn Kusama (Aeon Flux) are attached to the horror/thriller about a cheerleader who somehow becomes possessed by a demonic spirt which compels her to start offing all of the dudes at her high school. And while we haven't actually seen the script ourselves, from what Big Ross describes, we feel pretty safe declaring that Diablo's streak of consecutive Oscar nominations will come to an end at one.
While our man Big Ross stakes out an impressive four-point plan detailing the "bungles" that Diablo made in her script, we'd just like to relay this brief list of totally out-of-context things included in the script that have us thisclose to breaking our burger phone moratorium:
· "Fried bologna is the bomb!"
· "You're totally jello! You're lime green jello and you can't even admit it."
· "I'll get him myself! I will! You hear me, you bastard? I'll cut off your nutsack and nail it to my door! Like one of those lion doorknockers rich folks got! That'll be your balls!"
· "Never Trevor. I'm hot like magma."
· "I'm a hard-assed, Ford-tough mama bear. It's like, don't y'all touch my daughter. I'll piss on you like Calvin."
· "Sandbox love never dies."
· "Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped."
· "I got the monopoly on pain!"
Makes us long for the days of diddles being undid, homeskillet!