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Since January 20— the day the New York Giants won a trip to the Super Bowl— the New York Post has run 281 articles with the phrase "Super Bowl," an average of 20 freaking stories per day. Today, in addition to the daily 20, the Post also published a 32-page special pullout section on the game, and a wraparound cover with a team picture. The Daily News responded with its own 40-page special section that swallowed the entire Sunday paper, covering up other minor news like, you know, the paper's presidential endorsement (spoiler: Hillary). As a serious football fan who is gonna jet out of here pretty soon to go watch the game, I can only say: Thank God this shit is almost over.

The Giants in the Super Bowl has been a TRAIN WRECK for our local tabloids. Not for the sports reporters; this lets the ones on the football beat stretch out a few more weeks of actual news, and gets them a free trip to the irrigated deserts of Arizona. But the damn game has forced its way into the news hole in such a way that the real stories that the Post and the Daily News should be covering— Baby kidnappings, rat infestations, sex scandals, and blood spillage— have been squeezed into minor slots on the inside pages. Just look at the important events that were shamefully left off the covers of the two papers today:

"I'm dying & you want $5?"
"Guard gets sucker punch, heart attack"
"Ivy League scam gal nabbed"

And, good lord: A cemetery worker almost got buried alive when a grave he was digging collapsed around him. That was only good for 200 words from the Daily News? It's the New York Giants' fault that I don't know how that man's wife felt, how his neighbors feel, and how he felt in his harrowing moments beneath the surface. It's enough to break your heart.

Nobody really cares about Mike Lupica's unedited hyperbole about the biggest game in New York history. Nobody really wants to read thousands of words about the Giants' 41-year-old punter, and whether his wife is worried about his health. What we want is a big, front page photo of a cemetery worker clawing his way out of a newly collapsed grave in a Farmingdale boneyard. And a good headline about zombies.