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Continuing his obsessive quest to take the finest slasher films the 1970s and 80s had to offer and update them for an ADD-addled teen audience eager to see the stars of their favorite The CW melodramas eviscerated in a budget-conscious fashion on their local multiplex's big screen, leading Hollywood re-envisionary Michael Bay has convinced New Line to allow him to run the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise through his Platinum Dunes dream-despoiling factory.

According to Variety, the Nightmare series will suffer the same fate as upcoming Bay rejuvenation victim Friday the 13th, earning a "complete overhaul" the studio hopes will endear the disfigured killer to that new generation of free-spending fans. Of course, we can't help but indulge our hysterical fears that Bay's worst instincts will go unchecked, and we'll eventually wind up with the central role of "Freddie" Krueger filled by that blonde chick from Gossip Girl, and with razor-fingered, dream-haunting monster's iconic burns replaced by a single, mildly unsightly acne scar that's driven her to slaughter her unblemished classmates.