Once upon a time, all the townsfolk claimed that Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor made a baby on the set of high-kicktastic Moulin Rouge. Well, maybe not a baby, but they made some placenta, according to a new tome by journalist Andrew Morton called Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography (you may have heard of it). Morton claims that little Placenta lived on, literally, in one of Nicole Kidman's various homes, in the event of a paternity dispute from then-normal (and then-husband) Tom. But wait! No story about TC and baby glands would be complete without a statement from the Church of Scientology!

According to x17, Hubbard's minions have "already gone on the record describing Morton's entire book as 'a bigoted, defamatory assault replete with lies.'" Replete! Replete, they say! (Were they holding torches while making this statement?) At the time, Nic, Ewan and Tom all agreed on the same story: the baby, er, placenta, was Tom's, but the couple's divorce months later did little to dispel any rumors that the blob belonged to Ewan. Who knew Nicole was so freaky? Oh right. She was married to Tom Cruise. For TEN YEARS. Almost.

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