Former CIA head and surprisingly sexual military general David Petraeus was sentenced in April to two years probation and a $100,000 fine for sharing classified government information with his lover/biographer, Paula Broadwell. Considering the fate of other patriots who leaked secrets, Petraeus got off easy. But he had a little “help” from his “friends.”

Recently unsealed documents from the case reveal that 34 powerful and busy men and women, from Tony Blair to Dianne Feinstein, wrote letters to Judge David C. Kessler of the western district of North Carolina pleading for a light sentence for their friend. The letters cite Petraeus’s heroism, commitment to exercise, and his astuteness in “theaters of war.” None of the letters mention his prowess as a father or husband (or lover). :(

Anyway these people had some really crazy things to say about David Petraeus. I have excerpted my favorite passages below.

Tony Blair, in an unreadable fax, basically said that the world would end if David Petraeus went to prison: “I also believe very strongly that the world needs his continued engagement and presence. Personally I think he is probably the best security thinker on the counter terrorism issue I know and as I say, is able to be both creative and pragmatic at the same time. We need his service at this time and his brainpower. I continue to work on these issues myself in the Middle East. Unfortunately the threats we face are unlikely to diminish any time soon. David Petraeus still has a vital contribution to make and I hope he can make it.” OK.

Sander Gerber, a businessman, wrote this gross thing.

This is from Dianne Feinstein. David Petraeus may have learned that he is not to leak secrets, but has he learned not to cheat on his wife?

G.W. Bush-Era National Security Advisor Stephen J. Hadley puts two spaces after a period.

Confidential to David Bradley, owner of the Atlantic: Can you stop talking about yourself for one second.

Who knew Admiral William McRaven was a casual user of the exclamation point?

U.S. Army Colonel Everett S.P. Spain added some personal flair to his letter.

Former Rep. Jane Harman is the only one who kind of gets it?

Read all 34 letters, including ones from Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman, below.

Contact the author of this post at Pic via AP.