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It's often in this relative slow-news stretch before the holidays that some of the most astonishing celebrity revelations come to light: Perhaps, with New Year's resolutions right around the corner, they feel the time is right to relieve themselves of something weighing heavily upon their conscience, such as, say, the 9000 illegitimate children they've roughly calculated to have sired throughout their four-decade reign atop Hollywood's Perennial Bachelor Mountain.

One can't help but wonder what ever became of that shit-grinning, Gucci-tortoiseshell-wearing generation, a diaspora of mini-Jacks and Jills that spreads from the Hills of Hollywood as far as the shores of Mozambique and beyond.