The Weddings and Celebrations pages of the Sunday 'New York Times' don't have to be read. You can totally pass it by! Then you won't feel bad that you had Wheat Thins for dinner all alone last night and let your ex-boyfriend sleep over last week, you unmarriageable piece of mess!

Since measured earnestness appears to be the new condescending eye roll 'round these parts of late, and since holiday season is upon us, we're not going to make fun of the bride with the mother named Buttons. (Ha! BUTTONS!) No, instead, we are going to celebrate the heartwarming, straight out of a Nancy Meyers screenplay, tale of Jeanne Conway and Douglas O'Connor. Watch us!

  • For Douglas's use of the phrase "I remember it vividly!" twice: +2
  • Jeanne grew up riding polo ponies in Loudonville, NY, played field hockey and drove a convertible that matched her camel hair coat: +3
  • Though they dated for two years in the 1950s, "There was no hanky-panky": +3
  • Shortly after they parted ways in 1954, after Jeanne's father passed away and Douglas was sent to Georgia for military training, Douglas read about Jeanne's marriage to someone else in the New York Times - "I remember it vividly... I'm at Fort Bragg in the 82nd Airborne Division jumping out of airplanes and I pick up the Sunday New York Times and whose picture do I see but the girl of my dreams?" For this being both very proto-"Sex and the City" and very meta: +4
  • Douglas went on to marry, not one, but two Mary Alices: +4
  • They corresponded via condolence letters when their significant others passed away: +3 for the sweetly macabre factor.
  • When at last the two rekindled their relationship, it became, according to Jeanne "'a magic slate' upon which they 'can write anything they want.' They became inseparable. 'If I'm not with Jeanne, I feel like I'm just waiting to be back together with her,' he said. 'It's that kind of relationship.": +2
  • Their marriage at the Church of Vincent Ferrer on the Upper East Side, according to reporter Lois Smith Brady, was "much like one they might have had in the 1950s. Guests in flip hairdos and wing-tip shoes sang 'Amazing Grace'": +2

Total: 23