· It's official: Paris Hilton is Hollywood's must-have awards show punching bag. And though you can't hear it in the video, a heckler threw in a "Fuck you, bitch" after the boos for good measure.
· In a scandal sure to shake the world of celebrity-endorsed diet programs to its very foundation, Jenny Craig shill Kirstie Alley was spotted having some cheap CostCo weight-loss shakes smuggled to her home. Broken knees and anguished promises to never again violate Jenny's trust to follow.
· Francis Ford Coppola claims that the things he supposedly said about Pacino, De Niro, and Nicholson being fat and happy sell-outs in GQ were all taken out of context.
· Even though the flames consuming Malibu looked pretty gnarly, the waves lapping at the largely evacuated beach remained tasty. (Have surfers come up with any new words since Fast Times? We're painfully out of touch with beach patois.)