Renaissance! Promises! Passages! Harmony Place and The Canyon! Malibu, just up the road from the rotting stench that is Hollywood, is a haven of insanely-priced and stupidly-named rehabs. But they don't just not work for Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan—they also don't seem to work for normal people, and they also cost twice as much as, say, Betty Ford.
Here's one unsatisfied customer:
Tucky Masterson said she wasn't in her right mind when she paid about $35,000 for a month at Promises. "I was on heroin," she said.
Take it from Tucky, and take it from us—ship yourself to Minnesota for 28 days, save $20,000 bucks on the deal, and come back home without having been exposed to the harmful brainwaves of L.A. residents.