Rod Townsend (aka our commenter Momo), sometimes receives telephone calls from The Past, a mysterious entity that remembers where things used to be in New York before Starbucks and Whole Foods came to town.


"Love, life, and laughter is all I be-lee-heeve..."

"This is The Past?"

"I never learned how to hold love ... Yeah, dude. It's me. Golly, sweet-n-ho, I think I might be in love."

"Golly? Love? Okay, I've asked you not to call me when you're on drugs."

"I'm not high. It's just that there was this dreamy guy I met at Webster Hall's Makeup Room."

"Sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that you didn't sound like yourself. You met someone."

"Yeah. Tia, Paolo, and I went out. We started early over at that dump, Dick's. There's a mannequin head there on top of one of the speakers that we like to call Delish, because she looks like this tranny of the same name who sort of disappeared last year just after she got all fierce on a dress that Tia wore to Tunnel. Our story is that Tia lopped off her head and left it at Dick's, so we like to visit her every once in a while. The fact that it's just a block away from their apartment helps. Her head looks so pretty surrounded by all the Christmas lights and cobwebs."

"That's kind of sick. Decapitation? Really?"

"Oh, it's just a joke, jazzyjizz. Anyway, then we went over to Webster Hall, went down to the basement for that hip-hop party that's always empty and to check in on our favorite bathroom attendant. We chatted up Miss Understood for 10 minutes and then went up to the balcony. Omigod, there were a Susie and a Marcy, just begging Chris Couture to let them up to Makeup Room and Ms. Couture was all, 'I'm not high and it's not your birthday.'"

"Wait. A Susie and a Marcy?"

"Susie and Marcies. Girls from Jersey. The kind who are always in the bathroom stalls, like, peeing and shitting, and talking to each other. All 'Hey Sooooosie. You in dehre?' And whatever? It's great that they pay cover and all, but they are so obnoxious and freak-out-y when we're all hanging in the loo, you know? Granted we get them back by stealing their drinks off the bar when we don't have drink tickets handy."

"So they pay admission but can't come up to the party?"

"Oh god no. See, Makeup Room is on the balcony level where there's a private bar that's just for the gays and the freaks. Reign Voltaire promotes it and it's truly the funnest of crowds. Steve Travolta came out of the booth to kiss cheeks and then we went down to the stage on the main floor through the dressing room stairwell. Tia was doing runway with TJ Mozzarella when I saw him."

"This guy you're in love with."

"Totally. He's kind of a little Latin guy, but wears these really high lace-up platform boots that actually make him taller than me. He's all bedecked in black leather and denim and wears these gigantic wings. He was all, 'I've seen you around, but we've never talked,' and I was all like, 'Yeah, why is that?' even though I knew the answer."

"Which is?"

"Because my friends all say he's bad news. And they say he's straight. But I still think he has pretty eyes. Anyway, he gave me a bump..."

"Hey. You told me you weren't high!"

"Spinchtermunch. A bump doesn't get you high. A bump gets you going. Anyway, he was all like, 'See me later if you need some more, baby.' Granted, I didn't see him again tonight, but I so want to. He's sort of dangerous and dreamy all wrapped together."

"Um, listen. How do I ask this... Was his name Angel?"

"Omigod! Yes! Do you know about him? Is he some clubland superstar in the future? Is he my boyfriend?!?"

"Oh, wow. I can't say anymore. It could change the future and, well, Wilson Cruz doesn't get a lot of roles."

"Wilson ... Huh? You mean Ricky from My So Called Life? What's he got to do with Angel?"

"I think I should just hang up. Just be careful and call me next week, okay?"

Related: Party Boy in a Cage [NY]
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Earlier: Past, Over